When something unexpected happens, what’s that first thing you do? Typically, we react impulsively without thinking. However, responding to situations, instead of reacting, is something worth training ourselves to do. Here’s why..
My most recent reactive experience was a couple weeks ago. I was driving through a parking lot and jamming to music, when this car ran their stop sign, almost hitting me.
I promptly slammed on my brakes and everything in my back seat flew forward, hitting the floor.
Immediate annoyance ensued.
My gut reaction was to yell, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING” and a lot of other ungodly things in my car.
Thank God my windows were rolled up.
As I drove past the other driver, I made sure to stare her down and give the meanest look I could manage. Music was still playing in the background, but I was no longer in a good mood.
Not My Best Moment
The crazy part about this is I didn’t even think before I reacted like this.
Everything happened in a split second. That quick reaction changed my mood entirely and it took most of the day to get over it!
As I recovered from my sour mood that evening, I thought about how happy I was just prior to the almost accident. I asked myself repeatedly, “Was that reaction necessary? Did it help make the situation better? Why did I do it”
Reacting like that is not a reflection of person I am or strive to be. Even now as I write this, I cringe at the memory of how crazy I looked.
Had I responded, instead of reacting, I could have gone back to jamming to my music, preserving my positive mood.
I’m not even going to ask because I know we all are guilty of this. 👀
Reactions are actually ingrained in us
The amygdala is an organ in our brain that initiates the “fight or flight” response when it perceives a threat and was critical for survival.1 Not so much necessary anymore, though.
I won’t get in to all the science, but we humans do have the capacity to override it in many situations, including stressful ones.
It takes preplanning, awareness, determination, and time to learn to override our immediate reactions and better serve our interests and goals.
We have the ability to respond instead of reacting when situations occur and act in such a way that represents us accordingly.
What does it mean to react instead of respond?
During stressful events, emotions such as anger, fear, or insecurity, etc. are usually the first to pop up. When we react to situations instead of responding, our emotions take lead and we are not often thinking or acting rationally. All reason has left the building and what remains are those impulses.
I’m not saying you should bottle up your emotions. If you don’t take the time to feel them, they will eventually come out in explosive manner…like a champagne bottle.
I am saying you should be hesitant to act on those impulsive emotions. What you do with them creates problems .
It’s never a good idea to act solely on emotions alone. They can be irrational, deceiving and can cause you to be vulnerable to manipulation. (Ephesians 4: 26-27)2
People repeatedly end up in situations they didn’t expect or want to be in because they lacked control of their emotions. Reacting can lead to regrettable actions and misunderstandings.
And some reactions have consequences you cannot recover from.
What are the benefits of responding instead of reacting
When the word “react” is replaced with “response,” our minds shift focus on the outcome rather than our immediate emotions. 3 Responding instead of reacting helps us to process and regulate our emotions while gaining perspective from different angles of the situation.
With responding, we can clearly and thoughtfully communicate, compassionately navigate our relationships and express ourselves calmly and rationally.
It also helps us to have better conflict resolution and opens doors for listening and understanding.
Take my example from earlier; it is very possible the other driver was just having a bad day or they were rushing to an emergency and wasn’t paying attention.
Accidents happen beyond our control all the time, especially when our minds are preoccupied. You’re guilty of it and so am I.
We all need a little grace from time to time.
Even when people are being malicious to elicit a reaction from you, it’s up to you to get yourself together, and rely on yourself to manage your emotions even in the midst of maliciousness.
How to practice responding
PAUSE:
Pause and breathe. Feel your emotions. This pause may require you to take a few seconds or require you to separate yourself entirely. In this pause, you are able to experience the natural emotions that occur and it lets you to put space between your thoughts and your. You can also consider different perspectives of the situation than just your own, and think rationally on them.
Think:
Ask yourself a few questions. What emotions am I feeling? Why am I feeling them? What are the specific triggers that got me here in the first place? Does this situation require a response? What is the best solution? How do I effectively communicate so that my point gets across and is received in a calm manner?
Consider the consequences and implications of your potential actions.
Then Decide
How do you want to respond? If you don’t believe a response in necessary, then don’t. No response is a response. If a response is necessary, decide what are the most thoughtful, compassionate and rational steps you can take that properly represents yourself.
Final Thoughts
Responding, showing compassion, and empathy is mainly for you to help you preserve your values, mood, goals and ultimately control over yourself.
Reacting vs responding comes up repeatedly in many different situations in our lives.
An important lesson in adulting is realizing not every situation is worth your time and the ones that are, should have a graceful response rather than a thoughtless reaction.
Thank you for joining me on this journey into the Evrything Unknown.
Until next time,
Banana 💛
Achieve. Succeed. Flourish.
1: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/202110/the-difference-between-reacting-and-responding
2: https://www.bible.com/bible/1849/EPH.4.26-27.TPT
3: https://saracraig.co/8-ways-stop-reacting-start-responding/